Daddy is the cookie alpha dog, although his bark is worse than his bite

Tonight I gave the kids each four little cookies as a bedtime snack. After I brushed their teeth, I got four cookies for myself. Just to stack on the desk and eat later tonight. Olivia ever-so-sweetly asked me for one of my cookies. "Coo-kee? Mommy?" I said no and explained that these were (placing right hand on chest) Mommy's cookies. Mommy's cookies for later. She persisted, and when she started skipping in place and escalating her volume, I told her to wait because they were Daddy's cookies. Daddy's snack cookies for Daddy to eat later. She said, "Okay, Mommy." Then she breathed in and walked away.

Incommunicado, mostly

A few weeks ago, I left my cell phone in New Jersey. I´d forgotten it druing my final sweep through my mom´s house, and we were half way to Newark before I realized it was still charging on the kitchen counter. I haven´t had service on it lately, but it´s an iPhone and I use it almost every day anyway (for playing music and shows, as an alarm clock, camera, etc.). So, leaving it in Jersey was (and still is) a bummer. My computer died about a week and a half later. Then, yesterday, our living room television set fizzled out. Boo, boo, and boo.

My technology/communication situation is not quite as pathetic as it sounds, though. We still have what I like to call ¨tv on the computer¨ in the main office, and I can still check my email and whatever else. And I don´t know if it´s coincidence, but around the time my computer lost all signs of consciousness, I lost interest in the computer in general. There´s no real plan to fix my six-year-old laptop. We´ll take it to the repair people eventually, try to retrieve the data; right now I am just not in any hurry. If you don´t hear from me in the immediate future, rest assured that I still adore you all and I´m perfectly fine down here living in the moment.

Recent favorite photo

Here's a photo of a little boy who has outgrown afternoon naps. And he knows how to choose the most adorable footwear, which is important.

Humma humma humma

I'm thinking of a new name for the ol' blog here. When I come up with something decent, you'll be the first to know.

So yeah... just organizing to pack, and downing a couple of PBRs and some of this really tasty lamb-shaped chocolate cake my mom baked for Easter. I don't feel particularly stressed or overwhelmed. It'll be nice to sleep in the same bed as my husband for a change. We spend a lot of time together. Like, all day, every day. So when we're apart, it's really different for me. Going to work isn't like "OK, hon, see you in 10 hours", it's more like "OK, I'm going down the hall, see you in 10 minutes". We eat almost every meal together, take walks in the morning, watch soccer and make out in the living room while the kids are down the hall taking their afternoon naps... that kind of thing. It's nice.

Nothing much different to talk about. I've been trying to shake a headache for a couple of days. Maybe I'm thinking too hard about my laundry strategy -- how to time my loads perfectly so that I won't have to pack any unwashed garments or take anything to the cleaner's my first weekend back. Tapping my head over that one as we speak.

Saturday splendor

This morning and early afternoon were spent out and about with Mom and the kids. I am still whittling away at my take-back-to-Peru list, and I must say I had quite a successful time as far as that goes. Got the last of the kids' items and almost everything I need for myself, save a few books I have to order online.

This trip has been amazing. I spent the majority of my time at home with my mom and kids, but also got in a lot of quality friend time and even saw some relatives I haven't seen in years. In a way I feel... older. In a good sense. I have an uncle (my mom's brother, Uncle Pat) who has been living in Dallas, TX for a good 20 years and I keep thinking about him. If it's not too funny to draw this equation, I keep feeling like him. Hearing my mom making plans for her friends and cousins to come over for dinner because "Karen's visiting from Peru", or dropping what I'm doing to run out to lunch with a girlfriend, or taking the kids to places they might not see for another year... I understand something new about how it is to be away from everyone. That thing is love. It's hard to explain, but I realize I have so much more than I ever thought I did, many times over. I'm going back to the other side of the planet, but I feel more connected than ever to home.

We fly out on Thursday. Me and my babies. My good traveling, smart, funny babies. They are almost like twins, they're so similar. I'm excited to see my husband again. I'm excited for my kids that they will get to see their daddy. I'm going to miss being here, and I'm going to miss my family and friends again. It means more to me than I can describe with words that I got to see so many of your faces during this visit. Thank you. I can't wait to see you all again. Exclamation point! And my Mommy... oh my gosh, my Mommy... I love you.

We plant, and they grow

This morning we're doing a little digging in the dirt. I'm re-sorting yesterday's feelings (and lack thereof), thinking about the different funerals and burials I've attended in my lifetime. I also started thinking of tv and movie burials, and decided that my favorite fake burial happened in Six Feet Under when Nate took Lisa's body, buried it in the ground in the middle of nowhere, and gave her family someone else's ashes. D'oh!

What we're burying this morning is decidedly more innocent. Starters for some flowers and herbs. Livi was adorable, calling out "Boop!" as she poked each sunflower seed under the soil. We also did moonflowers and green beans. The lemon balm seeds went untouched, but I'll remedy that tomorrow. Must have the lemon balm. Doing simple things with my kids always makes me happy. It's so important to teach them that happiness doesn't come from the mall, but rather from family and friends and living a life that is real and kind and generous.

***

Breaking news, the phone just rang. It was a call from my sister. I couldn't pick up. Not just because I hate talking on the phone... I just know the news and don't want to hear it firsthand. She wouldn't be calling for no good or bad reason. It could be a glaring sign of immaturity on my part, or possibly an almost complete disconnection. My two sisters on my dad's side are actually amazing people, and they understand me quite well whether they realize it or not. And, really, I only use the word 'immaturity' because I just happen to be the youngest of all my siblings, and in my mind that's how they would categorize it.

***

Going back to semi-reality, I'm not ashamed to tell you my lunch today consisted of a slight amount of actual lunch, followed by two cocktails. Don't worry, I'm not home alone with the kids. And I'm not above dulling the pain. I'm in a weird spot. I wish I had my husband with me, and I am just one of those people who need their own space. If not physically, then mentally. In times of troubled thoughts, I take achievement where it can be found; I'm done contemplating and I need a complete zone-out. Clean the slate. Take out the trash. And so on, and so on, and such.