Baby Liv

Olivia Rose Rivera.

A food mystery

Why is it that anything with onions smells like B.O.? This afternoon Frank got a burger with onions. He ate it in the bedroom (that's where the desk is, he was working) and it's 11:15pm and still stinks in there. And why don't onions smell that bad all the time? They smell pretty darn good sometimes. I don't get it. They're the only food I would consider feeling bad for, because I'm sure they don't mean to be so armpit stinky.

I'll admit that sometimes I am a stinker myself. Sometimes I wear some Tom's of Maine natural deodorant. Honeysuckle scent. I can't stand wearing anti-perspirant so I don't even own a stick of that. The Tom's stuff is my favorite. I'd say I wear it a few times a month at the most. I guess I a) don't think I stink, and b) don't care anyway.

We're about to watch Jackass 2.5 and I'm going to make some tuna sandwiches and we're going to eat them in the already stinky room. Smelly foods seem to go with that movie so it's almost like a theme night... hehe.

Name game rejects

While I'm deciding how much I really want to tell the new baby's name, I'll at least give you some of the other possible choices we're not going with:

1. Luna. We all know this means Moon in many a romantic language, but it's also Frank's mom's maiden name and hence also actually part of Frank's real full name, Francisco Hipolito Rivera Luna. Every time we discussed Luna Rivera, the conversation ended in a chorus of "Moon River" and finally we took this name out of the running.

2. Becca. We thought it was cute. For a couple minutes.

3. Ruby. Me like, but with the middle name it would be too many R's. Ok, I just threw out a middle name bone there.

4. Francesca. I wouldn't mind having a little girl we could call Frankie. Just didn't seem to fit, though. Plus we know someone who just gave her baby this name.

5. Amanda. Middle name? Hug'n'kiss. Ok I'm joking. You watch The Simpsons, don't you?

Just for the heck of it, here are some of Nico's name rejects... Benicio, Francis/Francisco, Aiden (what?!), Ryan, Roary, and Cash.

So... if I do go ahead and tell the new baby's name, we must have an agreement. I tell you the name, and in return you say how nice/cute/pretty/perfect it is and also add a little gush about how much you like it and what a nice ring it has. You withhold any other suggestions you may have for pronunciation/spelling/nicknames/names and please resist with all your might telling me about any person or animal you've ever known with that name, and whether you liked or disliked said creature. Chances are I already know so please don't waste my time/aggravate me/make me wish I hadn't told you. If I sense you're about to break any of these rules, I WILL SHOOSH YOU. LOUDLY. These rules will still apply after the baby's born and you know the name anyway. Hint for the future: when people share their baby names, just smile and gush. Anything else ruins it for the parents and makes them temporarily hate you. And for the love of God, don't steal someone else's baby name. Frank would have loved to name our son Jackson (after one of our favorite painters Jackson Pollack), but that's one of my friend's future baby names. He was crushed but believe me, he got over it. I'm sorry, I know, I know, too many rules, Karen.

Ugh, never mind. I think I'll keep the secret for now.

Zodiacal Signage

I was just looking up the possible zodiac signs for baby #2. News flash: baby has a name. Not sure if I'm telling it though. Snap! Anyway, since I'm doing the scheduled c-section, I can go for any weekday between April 17th and 24th. I'm shooting for the 17th depending on the choice of doctors. I would like to have the same doctor who delivered Nico, but with my OB practice there are about a dozen choices and you have to play matchy matchy with the doctor you want and the days they're available. There's nobody I would flat out object to, but I have my favorites and I've got second and third choices in mind just in case. If I go into labor earlier than week 39, I imagine I'll just get whoever's on hospital duty that day and not already in the middle of delivering someone else. So just like with a regular birth, I can try to plan things but it just may not be up to me in the end. All of this reminds me of a favorite saying of my Mom-Mom's: Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

Going with an earlier date, the baby would be born an Aries. Later, a Taurus. Both fine signs as far as I'm concerned. I'm a water and Frank's an earth (Cancer and Virgo), and with an Aries and Sagittarius we'd have two kids with fire signs. At first it sounds like that could be trouble, but to me that seems like a great match. Both earth and water signs like security, and fire signs like freedom. Taurus would be the only fixed sign (while I'm a cardinal sign and the boys are both mutable) but that's also an earth sign, so that would be fine too.

In the end, the choosing of dates will depend far more on medical scheduling than astrological matching. Is it a little weird to have the option to choose the date? Sure it is. But the baby may choose for herself, in which case I'd be just as pleased. My Mom-Mom was an Aries, and I only wish April 20th didn't fall on a weekend this year. That's also my mother-in-law Rosa's birthday. Who knows though... that might just turn out to be the big day.

I just love it

I'm feeling sooo holidayish. I missed this feeling last year (but for a really good reason :D). I feel much more back on track. I even went out this morning to do our pollyanna shopping and *what!* it wasn't even that crowded. Took me maybe an hour and a half to make three stops and get back home. Now I'm not saying I've got a huge tree up and decorations everywhere. No. I put a few things on the mantle, strung out some white lights, put a wreath on the wall, and I've been burning my christmas wreath-scented Yankee candle. I just love those candles. No need for an actual tree, don't have to have real peppermint hot chocolate bubbling on the stove, and no need to have cookies baking in the oven. Well, wait... yes, yes I do still need the cookies in the oven. I've been baking them like crazy lately and I picked up another bag of Ghirardelli chips yesterday, so tonight will be another cookiefest. In fact, I'm making the dough as we speak.

I think it was after I got the hell out of my 20s that I really started to see some beautiful things about life. And even though I hate the materialistic part of this season, in the past few years even all the gross commercialism doesn't seem that bad. Being in my 30s is one of my favorite things. My 30th birthday was one of the coolest days I've lived so far. Waking up in Paris... real cantaloupe, baguettes with cheese, and fresh pink grapefruit juice for breakfast... going to the top of the Eiffel Tower... French onion soup, chicken, avocado and wine in a little café... seeing military guards with machine guns strolling casually through Gare du Norde. We took the train to Brussels, made a transfer, and drank beers on the train on the way to Amsterdam. We threw our backpacks down in the hotel room and went out bar hopping and, well, you can guess what we were doobing -- I, I mean DOing. DOing. You can guess what we were doing the next couple of days. Heh, heh. Anyway I think Jen's upcoming trip to Paris keeps reminding me how that trip holds some of my most favorite memories. Not just because I was celebrating leaving what was probably the toughest decade of my life, but because I really felt like a whole new person.

There have been a lot of big, big changes in my life since that milestone birthday, and I've loved every one of them. I appreciate my family and friends in new ways, and I enjoy my own life more than ever before. I'm looking forward to cooking that turkey on Christmas Day, and I'm excited to have Mom, Herb, Franny and Heather coming to share the afternoon with us. I'm so excited that tonight I made a practice dinner of sorts... my first roast pork tenderloin, mashed potatoes, mushroom gravy (yes, mushrooms, my former nemesis), and caesar salad. It was fantastic. And now the cookies. Mostly they're for Christmas day. But rest assured some of my good soldiers won't make it to the big day. God bless you, cookies, every one.

A good day

This was just a really good day. After we left the doctor's office I realized one very important one-year-old's milestone I had overlooked -- facing the car seat to the front! While we were parked at the post office I made a quick switcheroo and Nico absolutely loved it. He loves to look at mirrors and knows how to find other people by looking at a certain angle. We kept smiling at each other in the rear view, it was so nice to look up and see his chubby little face. It's also much easier to hand him his puffs now.

My little chunky monkey weighs 23 1/2 pounds. We gave him a little Cars fold-out sofa for his birthday, and he immediately took to lounging on it like a pro. We made a bunch of stops to run errands today, and Nico was so good the whole time. Three people told me my belly looks huge, and asked if I am carrying twins. They were kind enough to add that my belly is the only thing that looked big :D But honestly I think it's just the shirt I have on today. And when I say I'm due in April, that sounds so far off I guess. It just makes me laugh, because everyone comments on how busy I'll be. Darn right!

Once we finally got back home and had a late lunch, I gave Nico some birthday cake and then he took a short nap. Today we said bye-bye to bottles and got on the sippy cup full time, and he did great at nap time. I got some work done, and tonight I sat down around 10:15 to finish everything when I got an email from my sister Kathy saying not to rush getting the files done for tomorrow. Yessss. I am so tired from today that I really didn't feel like working. Now I can finish everything tomorrow night while Frank is out at George and Irene's housewarming party. The baby is sound asleep, as I plan to be within the next 30 minutes. Having him cry it out last week has made things much easier. He had a sippy before bed, and when I put him in the crib he fussed a tiny bit and drifted off. So yeah, this has been a good day. I'd even go so far as to call it a great day. Nighty night!

Birthday Boy

Today is Nico's first birthday! Happy Birthday Nico!

We've got a full day ahead... Nico's one year check-up at the doctor, going to the post office and dry cleaner and pharmacy, and most importantly a stop at Toys R Us to pick out Nico's birthday gift. Hopefully we'll make it to the supermarket somewhere in there too, but that might have to wait til tonight. Of course I have work waiting to be done later tonight, but it's nothing too stressful, just setting up some business cards and finalizing files.

This has been a calm week, and it's been nice. We went to get Nico's picture with Santa on Tuesday. He had his serious face on for the picture, then he started crying. After we were done, we were sitting on the bench behind Santa's house and Santa wasn't busy so he came out to talk to Nico. Of course Nico started smiling at him then, it was really cute.

So... I've got a little oatmeal brain going on this morning so I don't have anything too creative to say. Just gotta get us both dressed and out the door by 8:30, but first I have to finish my coffee real quick and get Nico to finish his bottle. I've been more organized lately and I have to admit it makes things so much easier. Everyone has clean clothes, clean sippy cups and dishes are sitting in the kitchen, and I got my shower last night so all I have to do is throw my hair back and put on a little make-up, change a diaper, and we're off!

Keepin' cozy

I love to turn up the heat. I'm just not the "put on a sweater around the house" type of girl. There's a reason God invented the modern heating system. I'm not a total energy hog. When I leave the house, I turn the thermostat down. As soon as I return, though, I make it comfortable.

I do have the excuse that we have a drafty front door, and the heat pump sucks that cooler air right up through the living room. The bedroom windows aren't that much better, but those rooms are definitely warmer. I bought some insulator goodies that I just haven't put up yet. And sure, I feel slightly guilty putting the heater up up up up... but it's so cold outside and my bones just can't take it. Hopefully next year we will be able to replace our rickety old heater/ac unit with a shiny new one. Til that happens, I will just have to deal with the slightly higher energy bills. It's ok. As long as I'm cozy I don't really mind.

You may have a child even if you don't have kids

I've always joked with Frank that he's not my husband (or boyfriend, depending on the year), he's my child. I'm not sure if all women feel the same way about the men in their lives, but I know at least a few friends who do. They act helpless when you ask them to put their clothes in the hamper, or conveniently and consistently forget how to put things in the dishwasher, and insist on hanging their wet towels everywhere but the on the rack. There are also the bigger things, like paying the bills. Ok, fine, you make the lion's share of the money. But I am the one who has to figure out where it needs to go. The only thing Frank pays himself is his student loan, but only after he asks me to put the right amount of money into his checking account... even though he could do that himself.

It doesn't matter if you don't have actual kids. If you've got a man, chances are you've already got yourself a child.

Right now, Frank is sulking in our bedroom while his dinner plate sits on the kitchen counter. He had a little temper tantrum, about which I told him I didn't give a crap. Nothing new, nothing big, and these days things like that have little to no effect on me. If you want to leave your dinner on the counter instead of enjoying it, that's your thing. If you can't digest properly while answering a question about artwork, that's really your problem and not mine. I'm eating my dinner. And if you were 7 instead of 37 the end result would be exactly the same... you would be in your room without your supper. In a way we both have what we want, and sometimes sorely miss -- time alone. He busts on me for not wanting to move because I like our family being so close together in the condo. Even still, I like to have time to myself.

I remember one day I was talking with two girlfriends and a guy friend, and we girls were commiserating on the man-as-child issue. And the guy friend said to us, "Well, they act like that because you all keep taking care of them." How true. Maybe sometimes a woman can't help but do what comes naturally. And after the man goes out into the world and works all day, maybe all he wants when he comes home is a little nurturing to refresh his soul. I just went into the bedroom and he's watching a "Planet Earth" dvd with the lights off, and he started telling me how this one part was about the smallest cat in the world, and that I should look out the window because the moon and the stars are really bright tonight. It was so funny... just like when Nico is having a tantrum and then two seconds later we've both forgotten about it and we're rolling on the floor laughing. So I guess we're all pretty much the same in this house. Nobody wants to have people they love mad at them, we all just want to be happy and get hugs.

How to tell your kid is turning one

There are a few everyday signs that your child is getting older. First, you notice the batteries in all his toys are dying at the same time. That happy little musical light-up plush sunshine now plays the saddest version ever of "The Farmer in the Dell".

Second, it comes time to try giving him some cow's milk. This is one of those hit or miss moments as far as we're concerned. Neither Frank nor I drink regular milk. We like Silk, preferably vanilla or chocolate or the two mixed together. The three of us eat cheese and yogurt, and we're fine with those. Nico had a few ounces of cow's milk over the course of the day on Monday, and by dinner time he was rubbing his little face and horking snot clumps. Along with milk at one year, you are also free (or can feel more relaxed about) giving the baby other things like tomatoes, citrus, and berries. Last night he had his first taste of Grandmom's tomato sauce. Yum yum!

You also notice your kid doing some of the cutest stuff ever. Opening a book and "reading" aloud, turning his back to you when he puts something in his mouth (since you can't see what he's doing if he can't see you), interacting with other kids, and running to you for hugs... all super squishy cute. Along with those come some tough ones. No more sitting still for you to give him saline nose spray and wipe the boogies away, pushing your hands away while you're feeding him even though he's only had three spoons of his lunch, and learning that he can control you if you're not careful. Jung wrote about the infant's desire for power, and I think he was on to something. Even when they're little, kids definitely aren't stupid. They don't know any better sometimes, but I tend to think every baby has a little Stewy Griffin in him.

As one year draws to a close, you get to see how far your kid has come from being that sleepy, sit-still baby you brought home from the hospital. You also see there is so much more to come, and find yourself waiting for the next big accomplishments. Even though it's a few days away, I just want to send out a little early happy birthday to my Poppo, my Chiquitín, my Mr. Chin Chin Chin. This has been the best year of my life.

Down, down baby

Well my belly is definitely expanding. I was hoping to carry a little higher this time. Maybe there's still a chance, but it kind of seems like the 23 lbs. of little boy constantly hanging on my hip or sitting on my lap is dashing my hopes for a perky little tummy. He uses my belly as boost to climb up and grab at things he can't get to. I keep saying, "Hey, you're stepping on your sister there." He just giggles and keeps reaching.

Inconvenience fees

Every company I pay bills to seems to be all hot for charging "convenience fees" when you make payments over the phone. It's seriously annoying. I like making my payments by phone. It's so much easier because I know I have the money and I know exactly when it's coming out of my account. Mailing a check and seeing that money still in the bank a week later is just a tease. And lately paying things online is becoming just as much of a headache -- twice this week I got errors from different companies while I was entering payments. Then I had to call them, which is what I was trying to avoid in the first place. I want as little contact with these people as possible.

Even though we can afford a lovely life, it still seems I could find a much better way to spend that little bit of extra money I'm paying some people. It seems absurd that you have to pay them money to get them to take your money. Kind of reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from "WildBoyz" where they're in the swamp in Florida, and one of the guys says, "So we're going into this swamp to look for alligators, and then hide from alligators, under alligators." Yep.

Like it or not, I think I'll have to go back to mailing everything out.

p.s. Something to add to the list of things I didn't know about (see below)... "The Henry Rollins Show" on IFC. I caught an episode the other night. Henry has salt and pepper hair now. Even though he's probably pushing 50 (or already there), somehow I was the one feeling old.

Uhhh... what?

I don’t think I pay much attention to what’s going on around me anymore. I’m not sure, but I don’t think I do. I used to be the one complaining, “Frank, pay attention. Frank, why are you so spacey?” And now it’s the complete opposite. I’m the space cadet, the one whose mind wanders during the simplest task, the one who doesn’t hear you talking or asking her a question, and the one messing up her sentences then losing her train of thought. I’m surprisingly happy being this way. I’m not doing it on purpose, and I really don’t intend to do anything about it.

Sometimes I hear about something happening in the world and I think wow, I’m so out of touch. Like this whole thing with the new Radiohead album. I love Radiohead. I love Thom Yorke. If I could be an Englishman, I’d be him. (side note: female choice? Victoria Beckham) For years I listened to Radiohead almost every day. Can’t even tell you how many times I meditated to “Kid A” or got angry to “Hail to the Thief”. I can tell you how many times I've listened to “Pablo Honey” all the way through... three. It’s not my favorite. The only reason I haven’t thrown it in the trash is because it’s Radiohead. Anyway, I was shocked last week when I heard they have a new album, and that you could go on their site and pay whatever you want for it. No shit? Where the hell have I been? I'm counting that as two things I completely missed.

Another current event, perhaps more glabally relevant, that I am late hearing about is that Al Gore will be receiving the Nobel Peace Prize on Monday. If I were Al, I’d call up that jackass W and shout, “In yo’ FACE, sucka!” and hang up. What a different world this could have been had the presidency not been pulled out from under Gore by that weasel. I suppose our Al had bigger and better achievements to... *pfft* achieve.

It seems the list of things I’m late on is growing. For a little while there I was hoping the bubble would pop and I’d be back out in the world again, up as ever on the latest happenings. But I kind of like it in here. Think I’ll stay for a while. Just somebody please tell me if Thom puts out another record, would you?

It IS a girl!

Yep. It's a girl. Frank was so excited that he left work early and came home with a bottle of champagne, and I was so excited that I drank a whole glass of it. Woo-hoo! I'm super excited. I just love having an idea who's in there. Tonight I decided on a name, I'm just waiting for Final Daddy Approval. So just because I have a name picked out, doesn't mean we're done... but it's a start. I think Nico is excited too. We were at the doctor's office for about two and a half hours, and the only nap time he had was in the car. I thought he'd sleep once we got home, but he was going strong until almost 9pm.

In a funny little way, I feel like our family is complete. When I was younger I always knew I'd like to have children but I don't think I ever had a specific number in mind. Some people have a certain number they want, and some feel like there's just one more in there and then they're done. After Nico I felt like I could be done and be happy. I feel the same way with this baby.

Early this summer a few people asked me if I wanted to have more kids, and my answer was that I would he happy to have another baby but I wasn't ready for another pregnancy. As soon as I found out that my body was, in fact, ready, I was over the moon. Then a few weeks ago I had a mini meltdown over it... I panicked. There were all these mixed feelings, and I felt like I had no control over my life. Any time in the first six and a half years that we had purposely tried to get pregnant, nothing happened. Now here they were coming one right after the other, and I didn't know how to look at my life anymore. Who are these babies, who am I, and who the hell is this man living with us? Even though Frank was freaked out too, he really listened and helped put my mind at ease. I took a few days to think, process everything that was happening, and work out my emotions. Now I feel I can just relax and enjoy the ride.

This time around, I'm considering telling what the name will be before the baby's born. Last time, a few months into it I was telling people our ideas and it wound up being so frustrating that I decided to stop talking about it. I wanted to share the names and get pleasant reactions, not hear about someone's old dog or high school enemy having the same name I was thinking about giving my child. Or worse yet, have them flat out reject the name and give their own suggestions. People say the weirdest things to you when you're pregnant... but that's a topic for another day.

It's all coming together here

I spent a lot of time living like a college student in this house. For the longest time, we didn't even have a dining table. We were using a family heirloom table (the one Mom-Mom got when she was first married) for the first year and a half or so. Well, to say we were actually using it would be false. Most meals were still eaten on the sofa or on the floor in front of the tv. Our sofa was one of my favorite things, as uncomfortable as it was. The bathroom towels were the same ones I had in Collingswood.

Recently my little home has been getting a nice little makeover. We have a real sofa now, and a dining room table that nobody ever owned before us. An adult-sized television is sitting on an appropriately sized table in front of the fireplace. It's there because a) I have enough things for the baby to get into without worrying about fire and b) I always pick up the piece of wood that has the spider on it. Me no likey. There are pictures on the walls, and new towels for the bathroom. I don't consider myself too materialistic a person. It's just so nice to finally feel like I have an adult home. People can visit me and I feel so much more comfortable. We'll be having people in and out during the holiday season and it's just so nice to know I can accommodate everyone. Makes me feel like a grown-up, like I've accomplished part of what I'm here to do.

So along with just making a nicer home to be in all day, we're still baby proofing. I spent half an hour tonight drilling and securing a tall piece of furniture to the wall in the dining room. It's got three shelves on top and a cabinet part on the bottom with two more shelves inside. I would have liked to have gone to bed at 11 tonight, sure... but it was so satisfying to finally unwrap and put out the set of vintage juice glasses my mom gave me about a year ago. They have roosters on them and I love them. Another day will begin at sunrise, and I'll be back to the household to-do list. I'm actually looking forward to it.

They look like little ants playing basketball...

Just in case you've never noticed, you can take a little peek into prison life when you drive over the Ben Franklin bridge. I don't remember when I first saw it, or if someone else pointed it out to me, but on the way into Philadelphia there is decent-sized jail right on the Jersey coastline. Driving over, you can usually only see a little bit of what's happening. From the speedline you get a much, much better view. Mostly I just say, "Hello, prisoners!" when I'm in a car. On the train, though, the ride is much more exciting. You might get to see the prisoners playing basketball, working out, or *oh my gosh* walking around in little groups. I always wonder what they're talking about. I think about who's in for what, and for how long. Do they have families, do they have pen pal girlfriends and/or wives, do they have vending machines where they can get Cheetos?

It's my personal belief these guys in Camden jail are bad, but not too dangerous just judging on how close the prison is to the surrounding neighborhood. If you've ever seen it, you know it's pretty darn close. You can see kids riding bikes on the next block. Taken on its own, the building is intimidating. Towers, barbed wire, fenced off areas, narrow windows. Even though it's no super-max, I prefer to keep looking down from the bridge, moving at 50+ miles per hour. I don't know why I love to see the prisoners when they're out in the yard... if there's no one outside when I'm passing by, I'm so disappointed. Not sure why criminals fascinate me. They do awful things with no regard for other people, risk losing their freedom, being locked away from their loved ones. On the train it almost seems quaint. Hello, little prisoners. In person, I would most likely be peeing myself. I love to see the prison and watch the shows about maximum security penitentiaries. But hell if I would ever jump at the chance to walk through San Quentin. Are you nuts? You couldn't pay me enough money. I guess there's no point to this entry really, just that if you are ever on the bridge there is more to see than just the tall buildings on the other side.