The Beck

This is today's song.

I like Beck. Also playing a lot of Tears for Fears (best of).

Today Mom too me and the kids out to Elena Wu's for a nice dinner. Right now I am on the phone with our web hosting company trying to tell them how important it is that they fix our service, or figure out why it didn't work yesterday when they fixed it. Having the clients who pay our bills and whatnot. Downed server = very much not good.

Well, two more days, then we fly out.

Make the noise you think electricity makes, then say "ZAP!" and that's how my brain feels

Confessions of a 'tiniholic... I drank about 16oz. of Washington apple martini around dinner time, and was feeling great. I snuggled in with Nico while I was tucking him in at bedtime, fell asleep for about an hour, and woke up with a pounding headache. My head feels absolutely zapped.

Today I bought another suitcase. Badly needed, even though Frank bitched at me for buying something (and I quote) "non-essential". I made a big stink in return, stating that it is, in fact, completely reasonable for a person in my situation to travel with three large bags and not just two. So fussy was I that the discussion ended with me shouting, "I gotta go! Bye! Bye bye bye! Bye!" and then I hung up. I'm sure he was just being annoying because he was stuck spending his Saturday mattress shopping, but hey, so what? Not only did I have to cancel my massage appointment to meet the washer repair guy at the condo (AGAIN!) and go to Target for the various last minute items, I also got stuck with the unglamorous task of turning in the car at the VW dealership.

Anyhoo, the extra luggage... a rolling duffel, very cute and rusty orange. I also got some basic meds and feminine care products because, while I'm sure there are organic cotton tampons to be found somewhere in Lima, I'm not sure if I'll be able to locate them upon arrival and I'd hate to be stuck with anything undesirable in that department. And speaking of things tampon-related, Livi secretly took one of them out of my suitcase, went behind the dining table bench to unwrap it (she undoubtedly thought it was food or candy), and emerged happily chewing on the cardboard applicator while holding the actual tampon in her hand as though it were a pet mouse. Cute, and not really gross because the tampon was fresh out of the box... but still, yeah, maybe a little weird. But funny. I took it away from her and she looked a little disappointed, and I told her not to look so confused until she is old enough to find out what that thing is really for.

Life is Wonderful

My best friend Jen sent me this. Thanks, Mama. For everything. The talking, the listening, the encouragement, support, love, and mostly for helping me plant the seeds that become everything beautiful in this life. You are wonderful.

Love you, love me.

"Life is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz

p.s. The words "Yes, go! Do that!" will forever make me smile.

Emotions, indeed!

I wouldn't want anyone to think I am not having my typical million emotions over moving. The current mood I'm pushing forward with is... calm. Do what can be done, and fuck-all to the rest. Seven more days here doesn't seem like that long, so rather than spend my remaining U.S. posts sobbing, I'm going to play you what I'm listening to as I go about tying up all the loose ends and prepping myself and my babies for one amazing adventure.

Here's "Weird Fishes/Arpeggi" by Radiohead. You can watch this live performance if you're so inclined, and enjoy the lyrics of the day:

Why should I stay here?
Why should I stay?
I'd be crazy not to follow
Follow where you lead

Your eyes
They turn me
Turn me on to phantoms
I follow to the edge of the earth
And fall off
Everybody leaves
If they get the chance
And this is my chance

Ok now come on, just watch the damn video. You'll like it. Alright, here I go, back to the boxes. What? Beer first? Oh, okay... twist my arm.

Also...

Considering being a total lazy bastard and just flat out not doing all the stupid crap tasks that have to be completed this coming week. Pfft. I'm going to start off by ignoring the pile of junk on my bedroom floor. Instead, I'll direct my attention to the bottle of red wine on the kitchen counter and the very funny Weeds reruns with which I'm currently obsessed. Tah!

Lonely, tired, whatever.

Now that I am more relaxed about everything, I am actually feeling pretty lonely. Tallying up in my head, five of the past eight months have been spent without my husband. That alone is difficult, but on top of it I also have to absorb all of the emotional reaction from the kids.

Frank hardly ever complains about work, although sometimes he'll vent and I'll think, wow, it must be nice to have a difficult day dealing with adults. Adults. You know, those people who can control their emotions, communicate with a full vocabulary, feed themselves, and go to the bathroom and wipe their own asses without you being the least bit involved. And being able to take a 20 minute nap when things get really stressful... wow, that's rough!

At 11:40 tonight, I had a two-year-old screaming in my face. We had both zonked out on my bed while watching Cars, and when he realized I had woken up and was carrying him to his own room, a fight ensued, and it took me 15 minutes to get him calmed back down. It's weird, sometimes I have to say a bunch of things to Nico before something grabs his attention. Tonight, the thing that finally got him to calm down was me telling him I know he's mad that Daddy's not here, but Mommy IS here and he's not being very nice to her. I was holding him, trying to soothe him when I said it, and he nodded and hugged me really tight and I know he understood what I was getting at. Like, hey man, how about giving your old Moms a break? I'm here, and I'm doing my best, and you're giving me a bunch of shit for it? Not cool.

Right now I feel like I'm the only person in the family who has to full-on deal with the other three personalities. And seriously, I'm tired of it. I'm really looking forward about ten days, to that moment where the kids get into a shoving/screaming/biting/wrestling match over a toy, and I can finally point to Frank and tell them to talk to their daddy about it. Go ahead, kiddies. There's your man, take it up with him, and good luck!