Heading back

Looks like the kiddos and I will be leaving on a jet plane in two weeks or so. We've got a husband and daddy waiting for us down there, but fear not. We'll be back for good soon enough.

Stuff I did today, not in chronological order

Ate half a theater-size box of Milk Duds.
Brushed my teeth, then washed and moisturized my face.
Packed a bag for me and the kids for tomorrow -- going to see my niece's school play.
Napped for approximately one hour.
Wore my winter hat indoors half the day, then switched to a pony tail.
Posted this video on FB for Frank.
Raked leaves out of the herb garden.
Got a workout pushing the babies around the back yard in a red kiddie car.
Made two phone calls; one to pay a bill, and one about re-enrolling for health insurance.
Chatted with Jen about Corey Haim while the kids watched cartoons.
Realized I like dressing the kids in coordinating outfits.
Had pot roast, potatoes with gravy, and honey glazed carrots for dinner.
Had Kix cereal with vanilla Silk for dinner number two.
Used a calculator five times.
Smelled fresh rosemary.
Got a little confused remembering winter here is ending, not beginning.
Tried to find a place for all the kids' cool new hand-me-down clothes, all the while being thankful for friends with good taste in toddler fashion.
Wondered if the show The Good Wife is on demand.
Searched high and low for the copy of Vicky Christina Barcelona we evidently still owe Netflix.
Read articles about sports, knitting, and typography, and also started up reading a second book.
Thought about life.

Space. The final frontier.

I'm watching some bedtime Star Trek (the original series). There are nights when I put on episodes I've never seen before, but this time I'm going with an old favorite. Balance of Terror. Arguably one of the best in the show's three-season run. Ahh, young Shatner. And I had a girlhood crush on young Leonard Nimoy. And no, I'm not embarrassed.

Tonight I wish I could snuggle with my husband, who is 3,000+ miles away. It's my not-so-secret wish that he will show up at the front door. It would be the most pleasant surprise ever. Right now I'm so tired but don't want to shut my eyes. I want Frank lying next to me, pretending he's too tired to scratch my back, then stroking my hair until I fall asleep. Sometimes when he does scratch my back, he'll do it for about thirty seconds before he gets distracted or bored, at which point he calls a 'commercial break' and reaches for the remote or picks up a book or does something else to let me know my favor time is over. It's fine, though, because I secretly prefer the stroking of the hair. Actually, there's other stuff I prefer over that, but that none of your beeswax!

Tomorrow we've got a rockin' playdate planned. I'm debating getting my shower tonight. The eternal dilemma. Do I shower tonight and get it over with, or wait until morning and risk getting into a time crunch? It's 12:45 a.m. and I still don't have an answer. Typical. I hate going to bed. Isn't there a magical pill that could solve this? There's a pill for everything else, it seems. If a little tablet can accidentally give a guy a boner for four hours, then why not purposely invent one that allows you to cram a full night's rest into three?

Let me go think on that one. Better yet, let me brush my teeth and watch more of my show. I might start it again from the beginning, so that I can see my favorite parts and then drift off to the sights and sounds of grown men and women acting out space drama in outrageously cool costumes.

Pandora, what's your prob?

I'm having one of those nights where Pandora is completely wasting my time. Enough with the "two-man duo" bullshit, okay? Snooze.

Comfy pants, book. Will be playing The Ecstatic (Mighty Mos) on low.

Oh, let me mention this before I go. I had a fabulous lunch with my friend Lauren this afternoon. By the time we got the check, we were laughing so hard that I had to dab under my eyes to make sure my mascara wasn't half way down my face. Comparing notes with other parents is so refreshing. Now I don't feel so bad for being furious at Livi for that split second after she kicks me in the sternum while I'm changing her diaper. Maybe I shouldn't have watched so much kung-fu while I was pregnant. Livi's ability to absorb Bruce moves is not to be underestimated. Feet of Fury and whatnot.

Ok. Now, really, comfies/book/Mos.

King is bringin' it

Shit, I wish I could write something. I know why I can't. I can't put two real thoughts together lately. Not to sound weird, but Peru changed me. I'm a little freaked out, a little amazed, and a little proud. I want to say thanks to Toni, whose recent blog comments have helped me put words to all the feelings. I just feel like a different person. I feel like I just plain feel more. It's deep, deep shit, man. Deeeep.

In more tangible news, I'm engrossed in Stephen King's Duma Key. Again, weird. I'm not really one for the scary stuff. At least not last time I checked. Hell, maybe it's my new nightly job of chasing scary things out of the kids' room that's got me feeling so bold. Here's what we do. The kids are in their beds, all tucked just right, and Livi says, "Mommy. I scare. Monsters." I stop patting Nico's back, then stand up and say, "All you monsters and dragons and ghosts and trains and engines, go... a... way!" As I'm saying that last part, I swish my arms out in front of myself like I'm snapping a bed sheet. Wa-BAM! Beat it, monsters. The kids congratulate my efforts, and now everyone can sleep.

Except me. I'm off to read some fright and drink my special herbal tea blend. Hot lemon tea, lemon slice, tablespoon of honey, and 2oz. of Southern Comfort. Sleep tight.

Adjustment

I'm going to start writing poetry about the United States and all it has to offer. That's right. Poetry. I missed this place with all my heart. Peru, I like. New Jersey, I love. When I walked into my mom's house the other day, it was just... home. I went from room to room gushing to myself. *Oh!* Dishwasher. Sanitized sippy cups. *Oh!* Large capacity washer and dryer, both with delicate cycle. *Oh! Oh!* Everything. Drywall. Bath tub. Furniture. Warmth. And then after a few hours, I got to sifting through some mail and papers I had left in the dresser. And some of the less pleasant things I'd left behind began to stack up in my mind. The shitty economy. How much everything costs here. Joblessness. Commercialism. Uncertainty.

I've been trying to focus all day. Yesterday I started to go through what can best be described as emotional let-down. I was so amped for days before the trip. Tensed up by the thought of a midnight flight alone with two toddlers. Anxious about the three of us being apart from my husband. And then, at the airport, a delayed flight. Problems with Immigration. Having our passports confiscated. Explaining (in Spanish, mind you) that I had gone to Immigration in downtown Lima four months ago, shown them -- three times -- the exact same papers and been told I was legal for six months.

Getting formally reprimanded by three separate officials. "No. No, no, no." That part translates pretty clearly. Ha. Being pointed in the direction of the MAC machine and being told that I had better return with the appropriate amount of cash, and being warned not to try to get on the airplane without paying. "Remember, I have your passports. If you try to leave, you won't get them back." What the... what?! Remembering that, shit, I had no cell phone if I needed Frank. It was, hands down, the most stressful time I've ever had getting on an airplane. And I've flown, people. I've flown plenty.

Obviously we made it home, blue passports in hand, with a few extra gray hairs on my head. I have missed my family, and home, and I still miss my friends since I'm spending the first week of the visit with my mom. I'm also doing things like *oh!* getting my hair done and driving a car for the first time since August. This morning I had to go down the hall away from the kids and my mom to let loose with some tears. It was just total decompression, and it hurt and felt good at the same time. Life in Peru is not easy. Life in the U.S. is not simple. But I love being here, and I want all of it. I'm cramming it all in, bit by bit, one whole wheat cheddar cheese Goldfish cracker at a time.