Wassup?

I'M HOME, BITCHES!

That's right, the kids and I are visiting. We don't have a return flight yet, but we'll be in fantastical New Jersey until at least St. Patrick's Day. Frank is busy at work, like, super busy. And since we're transitioning our apartment to an office space, Husband is going to find another home space for us while we're out of town. So much is happening in Lima. Not only with the studio, but just inside my head in general. Living in Peru has brought out so many things I would never have realized about myself... about life... about people... about how to live and love and be satisfied and help people... it has been an amazing experience so far. It's hard to put it all into words. Maybe it will help if I show you this -- it's part of my answer to the question Frank asked me a few nights ago at our super special husband-and-wife rooftop party...

"So, Señorita O'Toole, what have we learned about Peru?"

1. Wear socks. All the time. Or at least flip flops when it's warm. And just to be safe, have a scarf for all seasons.

2. Keep a warm blanket on your bed for when the fog rolls in around 3am.

3. Shoo the cockroaches. Kill the mosquitoes. Ignore the ants.

4. It's okay to drive in between the lanes of traffic, as long as you keep honking to let people know you're there.

5. Floors (which are mostly tile, marble, or hardwood) should be mopped several times a week, but will be dirty again an hour later due to the dusty, dirt-y desert climate. Additionally, the dirt will find its way through the bottom of the socks you should be wearing at all times. If your floors are dirt or concrete, forget the cleaning and just wear shoes.

6. Nobody cares how many days in a row you wear the same clothes, but change them as soon as they get wrinkled or stained.

7. Anything labeled "sin perfuma" (unfragranced) will inevitably smell like flowers. This holds true for everything from household cleaners to body lotion to feminine hygiene products.

8. Almost nobody uses tampons. No lie, the ladies' section at the supermarket stocks pads and tampons at a 50:1 ratio.

9. In matters of beer, choose Cuzqueña over Cristal. And don't forget your empties when you go to buy.

10. Sweet wine is gross. That one's universal, but especially true in Peru.

11. Don't eat chicharron (savory fried pork) at night, and don't eat ceviche at a restaurant where you can't see the ocean.

12. Know the exchange rate and check all your bills (just like here, hold them up to the light).

13. If you're an hour late, you're still on time.

14. Don't expect hot tap water. Furthermore, don't expect hot water in the shower.

15. Expect seven kinds of red tape, in varying shades, when you try to resolve any kind of official matter or file any kind of paperwork.

16. There are several places on every block that sell bootlegs of all the latest theatrical releases from across the globe, and the quality is excellent. At the beginning of every bootleg DVD, there is a high-budget anti-piracy commercial.

17. My name is Karen Rivera O'Toole. Pronounced Kah-den Rre-beh-dah Oh-tuhl.

18. Polite pushiness is the way to get things done. Flattery helps, especially when delivered in baby talk.

19. Adhere strictly to the rules of the Peruvian drinking circle: pour a small amount into the community glass (fill it about 1/4 of the way), pass the bottle to the next person, drink your share in a timely manner, pass the glass, make fun of anyone who deserves it, and don't you dare wipe the rim of the glass or yawn while someone else is talking. I made the mistake of being super tired during a drinking circle and yawned during one of Frank's stories; I was promptly ripped to shreds by the other attendees. Lovingly, of course, but still.

20. Only stress yourself out if you really feel like it. Nothing is more important than your family (or people in general, for that matter) and nobody will fault you for being carefree. Mostly because nobody wants to hear your complaints. The End.

Talkin' shite

Actual dialog from this morning:

Nico: Sissy, are you okay?
Livi: Poop.
Nico: Sissy, how are you, okay, Sissy?
Livi: Poopies.
Nico: Mom, Sissy's speaking Spanish again.

Because I like knowing if Brad's available. You know, just in case.

We don't get a lot of US internet content down here. It's "unavailable". I've been left high and dry as far as juicy gossip videos and useless information.

Today I'm missing out on the following clips:

Pitt and Jolie Really Over?
Brave Cat Clashes with Bear
'Price is Right' Guest Faints*
McConaughey Debuts Baby
Tourists Trapped in Machu Picchu Flood (actual big news here)
Lindsay Lohan's Father Arrested Again in NY*
Alito Caught Reacting to Obama Remarks?
'Idol' Contestant Scares Perry (while not technically embarrassing, this one is a little out of place since I enjoy neither 'Idol' nor Perry)
Rhianna's Fashion Faux Pas
Clinton's Franco-American 'Trip'*
Stamp May Sell for $350,000*
and finally...
Top 40 Celebs Over 40

* Embarrassing, but would watch.

Estadio in the darkio

Tuesday night, Frank took me out on a hot date and it was super fun. Not exaggerating on the super fun part. 50,000 people at Estadio San Marcos to see Metallica play their first ever show in Peru? Come on... it would have been un-American of us not to go.

Since you've all seen concert photos before, and I'm pretty sure even my mom could spot James Hetfield in a crowd, I'll show you what it's like to go to a big outdoor event here. Crappy camera (which is soon to be replaced with a spiffy one) aside, I've taken a liking to doing small things which I can safely say nobody else I know will get the chance to do in this lifetime. That being said, here I am. After Metallica, after the crowd cleared out, after midnight, I walked across the soccer field at Estadio San Marcos. Right before the concert, we had to walk past/through a whole lineup of mounted police. Now, I know better than to walk behind any horse, let alone these Gigantors. But not everyone is so smart. One horse started to tippy toe around a little, and then another, and then another, and before I knew it I found myself in the unique position of easily being able to head butt a police horse in the chest. Don't even ask me for a photo of that, because I will sooo give you a dirty look! Anyway, here I am by the sideline at center field. Olé, olé, olé, olé...


Little did I realize there was more walking in my near future. Here's the scene coming out of the venue. And like I said, most of the people were already gone.






Half an hour walking down the highway, then a fifteen minute ride standing up in that little white bus, followed by another fifteen minute walk before we found a cab driver who would take us anywhere close to home. He brought us to Miraflores (the district next to Barranco) where Frank and I drank two beers each and woofed down an entire pizza pie. We took a cab home, hung out a little more, and finally crashed around 4am.

Thanks, husband, for a night out that was a lotta, lotta fun. You rock.

Concrete, ceramic tile, wood, and glass

Okay, so I know it's lame that I am barely writing lately. There are five half-posts waiting to be completed. I keep starting, then losing direction, or the idea fire goes out and I forget what I wanted to say. While I organize, I thought I could tell you what you're looking at in these photos. I have a story about my bathroom so you'll see that soon, and I don't spend that much time in the kitchen so I'll get to that when I get to it.

Some basic information about the place:
Solid concrete
10' ceilings
No HVAC, screens, ceiling fans, or hot tap water

Here we have the entryway. The front door is at the bottom of the stairs, and this red door leads to the patio and half bath. The window is made of brown plate glass and looks out over the little courtyard in the third photo.


When you walk up the stairs and turn around, you get this view of the apartment. The bedroom is on the right. The office is on the left. Down the hall are the bathroom, living room, and guest room/play room. Originally I was going to put my desk in there, but I like working in the living room and having a separate space for the kids to go when I need to get things done.


And finally, the view from the bedroom.



I can't wait to tell you about the bathroom. I'm still baffled over the way we get hot water for the shower. You'll see what I mean. Soon.

Popping bottles, deterring thieves

Here's your favorite expat at midnight. Already a little toasted, fumbling with the cork wire. No worries, though. The cork hit the front steps of the restaurant across the street.


Next to that restaurant, which happens to have excellent food and fresh pineapple juice, is The Jesus Store. It's a great place to fill all of your religious and/or shamanistic needs. Candles, giant glass-enclosed statues of the virgin Mary, scented waters, rosaries, incense, herbal soap, and the like. There happens to be a very old, recently restored church on our block, so The Jesus Store always has customers and the owner seems to know her stuff. She suggested hanging this on our door to bring goodness and prosperity in the new year. The small wooden cross behind it was there when I moved in. I wouldn't necessarily hang a cross on my front door, but far be it from me to move (or remove) one that's already in place. Have a look.


While you're at it, check out the closure and lock system on the front door of our apartment. Burglars would be wise to steer clear. A poorly coordinated horizontal slide of any one of these metal pieces could result in an excruciating pinch on the finger. Ye intruders beware...