The Beck

This is today's song.

I like Beck. Also playing a lot of Tears for Fears (best of).

Today Mom too me and the kids out to Elena Wu's for a nice dinner. Right now I am on the phone with our web hosting company trying to tell them how important it is that they fix our service, or figure out why it didn't work yesterday when they fixed it. Having the clients who pay our bills and whatnot. Downed server = very much not good.

Well, two more days, then we fly out.

Make the noise you think electricity makes, then say "ZAP!" and that's how my brain feels

Confessions of a 'tiniholic... I drank about 16oz. of Washington apple martini around dinner time, and was feeling great. I snuggled in with Nico while I was tucking him in at bedtime, fell asleep for about an hour, and woke up with a pounding headache. My head feels absolutely zapped.

Today I bought another suitcase. Badly needed, even though Frank bitched at me for buying something (and I quote) "non-essential". I made a big stink in return, stating that it is, in fact, completely reasonable for a person in my situation to travel with three large bags and not just two. So fussy was I that the discussion ended with me shouting, "I gotta go! Bye! Bye bye bye! Bye!" and then I hung up. I'm sure he was just being annoying because he was stuck spending his Saturday mattress shopping, but hey, so what? Not only did I have to cancel my massage appointment to meet the washer repair guy at the condo (AGAIN!) and go to Target for the various last minute items, I also got stuck with the unglamorous task of turning in the car at the VW dealership.

Anyhoo, the extra luggage... a rolling duffel, very cute and rusty orange. I also got some basic meds and feminine care products because, while I'm sure there are organic cotton tampons to be found somewhere in Lima, I'm not sure if I'll be able to locate them upon arrival and I'd hate to be stuck with anything undesirable in that department. And speaking of things tampon-related, Livi secretly took one of them out of my suitcase, went behind the dining table bench to unwrap it (she undoubtedly thought it was food or candy), and emerged happily chewing on the cardboard applicator while holding the actual tampon in her hand as though it were a pet mouse. Cute, and not really gross because the tampon was fresh out of the box... but still, yeah, maybe a little weird. But funny. I took it away from her and she looked a little disappointed, and I told her not to look so confused until she is old enough to find out what that thing is really for.

Life is Wonderful

My best friend Jen sent me this. Thanks, Mama. For everything. The talking, the listening, the encouragement, support, love, and mostly for helping me plant the seeds that become everything beautiful in this life. You are wonderful.

Love you, love me.

"Life is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz

p.s. The words "Yes, go! Do that!" will forever make me smile.

Emotions, indeed!

I wouldn't want anyone to think I am not having my typical million emotions over moving. The current mood I'm pushing forward with is... calm. Do what can be done, and fuck-all to the rest. Seven more days here doesn't seem like that long, so rather than spend my remaining U.S. posts sobbing, I'm going to play you what I'm listening to as I go about tying up all the loose ends and prepping myself and my babies for one amazing adventure.

Here's "Weird Fishes/Arpeggi" by Radiohead. You can watch this live performance if you're so inclined, and enjoy the lyrics of the day:

Why should I stay here?
Why should I stay?
I'd be crazy not to follow
Follow where you lead

Your eyes
They turn me
Turn me on to phantoms
I follow to the edge of the earth
And fall off
Everybody leaves
If they get the chance
And this is my chance

Ok now come on, just watch the damn video. You'll like it. Alright, here I go, back to the boxes. What? Beer first? Oh, okay... twist my arm.

Also...

Considering being a total lazy bastard and just flat out not doing all the stupid crap tasks that have to be completed this coming week. Pfft. I'm going to start off by ignoring the pile of junk on my bedroom floor. Instead, I'll direct my attention to the bottle of red wine on the kitchen counter and the very funny Weeds reruns with which I'm currently obsessed. Tah!

Lonely, tired, whatever.

Now that I am more relaxed about everything, I am actually feeling pretty lonely. Tallying up in my head, five of the past eight months have been spent without my husband. That alone is difficult, but on top of it I also have to absorb all of the emotional reaction from the kids.

Frank hardly ever complains about work, although sometimes he'll vent and I'll think, wow, it must be nice to have a difficult day dealing with adults. Adults. You know, those people who can control their emotions, communicate with a full vocabulary, feed themselves, and go to the bathroom and wipe their own asses without you being the least bit involved. And being able to take a 20 minute nap when things get really stressful... wow, that's rough!

At 11:40 tonight, I had a two-year-old screaming in my face. We had both zonked out on my bed while watching Cars, and when he realized I had woken up and was carrying him to his own room, a fight ensued, and it took me 15 minutes to get him calmed back down. It's weird, sometimes I have to say a bunch of things to Nico before something grabs his attention. Tonight, the thing that finally got him to calm down was me telling him I know he's mad that Daddy's not here, but Mommy IS here and he's not being very nice to her. I was holding him, trying to soothe him when I said it, and he nodded and hugged me really tight and I know he understood what I was getting at. Like, hey man, how about giving your old Moms a break? I'm here, and I'm doing my best, and you're giving me a bunch of shit for it? Not cool.

Right now I feel like I'm the only person in the family who has to full-on deal with the other three personalities. And seriously, I'm tired of it. I'm really looking forward about ten days, to that moment where the kids get into a shoving/screaming/biting/wrestling match over a toy, and I can finally point to Frank and tell them to talk to their daddy about it. Go ahead, kiddies. There's your man, take it up with him, and good luck!

High Five

Tonight I let Nico stay up until about 10:30. He napped for four hours this afternoon, and I think he needed a little alone time with the mama. I told him he could watch some t.v. in my room, and then he asked if we could make a party house (or a fort, for all you non-party people) so I figured, sure! why not! and stretched a big blanket halfway across the room (one side tucked under the mattress, the other side gripped by the top dresser drawer). Only problem was, if he sat inside the fort, he couldn't see the television which sits on top of the dresser.

When I let Nico watch t.v. after 9/9:30pm, it's really just to let him settle down and relax the brain a bit. It's not for hyper entertainment or because I believe Wow Wow Wubbzy offers the créme de la créme of valuable life lessons. Nico is one highly emotional kid, and it's not as though he zones out... we talk about the cartoon plot, or which colors are in a certain character's outfit, or what all the characters' names are. We also go over our four-step list for what happens when his show is over: toothbrush, pee pee in the potty, agua, night night.

Anyway, tonight I arranged a nice little spot for him on the bed, diagonally across the room from the t.v. Then, with thumb tacks, I hung the blanket in a big triangle shape three feet above his head, with some edges and corners hanging down -- jungle! woo! It was spectacular. So impressive, in fact, that Nico gave me a high five and told me I did a good job. What can I say, buddy... I try.

I could be from Neptune and you'd have no idea!

Okay, I had something clever in mind to do with that title, but I got distracted for a moment and the thought is gone. I think my concentration broke as soon as I realized I didn't mean to say Neptune, but rather Atlantis. D'oh!

Hi, I'm Ricky Fitts. I just moved into the house next door.

Here's a little business tip:

If you're going to hound someone about something in the business world, and you see an email from them in your inbox, and you see their name in your voice mail list, do yourself and that person a favor and read the email and listen to the message. It never fails to amaze me how many business-type people never follow this simple rule.

Listening nowadays is a big, broad spectrum. It's not just the phone call. It's also the messages, emails, texts, etc. I'll admit that I'm completely guilty of working on my own schedule. It's my own private way of flipping off the establishment. (F-U, establishment! Suck on that!) Now I can't elaborate on that without sounding like (more of?) an asshole, but I think you know I mean. There's something about having someone flat out ignore my communication that just kills my soul a little. I love the connection happening between art and business. The interwebs, the logos, the big hooks, and the tiny details. But you slap too much business on it, and *pfft* it's suddenly annoying and meaningless.

And so here is my advice to you, you higher-ups, you hounders of hounds, you concerned non-listeners, you consultants and steppers-in:

Art is first and foremost for making beauty. You can use it to make money, too, but really it's about opening up something between people that you can't learn while you're out exercising your MBA. You can pat me on the head a little after your check clears, but please, pleeease, don't muss the hair.

** Ricky Fitts is from "American Beauty". **

Umbrella, please

When it rains, it certainly does pour. There are a bunch of extra things, big things, getting piled on top of what I thought would be a relatively stress-free last couple of weeks. I'm feeling frustrated, and trying not to over-stress, but I will admit it's difficult to stay focused and positive when everything seems to be pouring down upon my spinning little head.

It's not Bewitched!

All day long, my nose has been tingling. I took it upon myself to Google what this means. You know, how itchy palms mean you're giving or getting money, or ringing ears means someone is talking about you. From what various people's grandmas are saying on the interwebs, it means one of the following things: someone loves you, someone is thinking about you, you're really stressed, or you're really angry.

I won't tell you which one(s) apply to me right now. I'll spare you the details and leave you all with the super fun of guessing. Joy!

Warning!

I'm going to start changing the look of La Rivera. One day you might click here and wonder if you're in the correct place, and I just want you to know... yes. Yes you are.

Thrilling news, tonight I fell asleep at 8:20something. It's 1:30am now and I'm awake (duh) and about to enjoy what my dear friend Jen calls "brainfood". Mix and match fruits/veggies/cheeses/crackers/dips. Before I go and do that, I have to tell you what happened while I was out having all-you-can-eat crab legs last night with my other dear friend, Tammi. We were getting ready to use our Handi Wipes (because, let's face it, there are few things messier on the hands than two hours of non-stop crab rippin') and we started talking about getting ready to miss each other. I guess I started pouting a little, and then I guess my eyes began to well up, and Tammi leaned forward and said, "What the fuck are you doing? Are you crying?!" And I almost peed myself laughing, and I realize now that what I really heard her saying was, "Yep, I love you, too."

A message to the buyer

I'm not sure who picked up the tab for my drinks at the World Café Jugband show on Saturday. Whoever you are, mystery tab picker upper, I owe you one. No, wait. I owe you two. And I'd like to tell you three things: (1) thank you very much, (2) I left in a flurry of goodbyes and spaced out, and (3) I'd be happy to show my appreciation by mailing you some cash. Don't all answer at once, now. I'm not that rich.

Myew, myew!

Okay, so Livi has this little stuffed kitten that came with a doll Jen gave her. We've had the kitty for about four months, and just the other day she picked it up (pretty much the first attention she's paid to the toy), hugged it, and made a kitty cat noise. I swear my heart melted right inside my chest cavity.

Other cuteness -- thanks to Nico, Fraggle Rock shall henceforth be known as Fraggle Party.

Missing Mister

I miss Frank.

Almost here! (or there)

Looking at the calendar today, I realized I only have about four weeks to wrap stuff up. I'm really looking forward to seeing my hubby again, and I know the kids are so excited to see their daddy. As cheesy as it might sound, it's tough to feel complete when one of us is not here. I'm also just looking forward in general to moving into our own space, in a whole other place. This was an awesome decision, and I'm glad the four of us are going for it. You probably won't even have a chance to miss me, because I'll be blabbing about it all here.

Tonight was a lotta paper sorting and deciding what to keep, recycle, or shred. I have to wait a couple of weeks to actually buy my suitcases, so for now I'm mock-packing in boxes just to narrow it down as I go. I'm only bringing my large back pack and a couple of suitcases, and it's important to me to feel like everything here is neat and tidy while we're away.

Posting may get sporadic for the time being, but fear not. I will be back.

A pleasant woman; one of international intrigue and mystery.

Yeah man, check out the new passport photo. Don't anybody go thefting my identity or anything. Even if you did, I'm not sure you could handle all the pressures that come with traveling the globe and daring to look so darn good.

Internationally capable cuteness

The kids got their passports in the mail today. The three of us went to do the applications and photos not more than two weeks ago, so I'm thinking that was a pretty quick turnaround. Mine is still in progress; it's a renewal and name change. I'm a little sad to lose my old passport book. It had my stamps from Europe, where we found it easier and more cost effective to fly between a few countries. There were a couple of train rides which were fun, but it only takes a few hours to fly from A to B if you're going from, say, Amsterdam to Dublin as opposed to spending eight to ten hours on two trains and a ferry. Anyhoo, it had my Europe stamps and my original Peru stamps, and the back cover was adorned with Virgin Atlantic stickers. Losing any "accomplishment sticker" is a huge travesty of justice, but now that I think about it my new photo is better and that kind of makes up for everything.

I'm just waiting (for the greater part of an hour) for the kids to settle down and take their naps. Olivia is the troublesome one lately. She hollers and does raspberries at Nico, and he screams at her to go to be quiet! and go to sleeeep! because Nico sleeping! It's entertaining, but right now they are both wound up and it's starting to annoy me a little. I am waiting for some peace and quiet so I can get a bit of work finished, and then reward myself with a nice cold beer before they wake up from their naps which, judging by how things are going at the moment, should be some time around 7pm.

Maybe to be continued

I'm deciding whether or not to continue my blog in South America. I'll surely be busier than I am now since I'll be right there near the studio, instead of here with the work buffer zone in between me and the office space. At first I'll be busy dragging my mom out to shop for things like dishes, linens, and basic cleaning supplies. Also, I will probably have to go out and buy a washer/dryer and a stove. I think husband is taking care of the fridge, beds, sofa, and dining table. Mid-August I will finally have photos of my future apartment in the Barranco district of Lima. I've heard it's awesome, and I'm sure it will not disappoint. Three bedrooms, one and a half baths, housekeeper's quarters (aka a room somewhere in the apartment where I can stash, then find, the laundry appliances), a very adorable little kitchen, a small balcony, and a great window overlooking the street. We're right on (or right off, I cannot remember) one of the main streets, Avenida Grau.

So one thing I'm mulling over, should I decide to blog on, is what to name the Peruvian period. While I'm thinking about that, you should check out these photos of my soon-to-be new 'hood. Not sure who Javi is, but he sure knows how to shoot Barranco.

Peanut butter that I never get to eat

Packing to leave for Peru is starting to seem like the endless task. For every outgrown kids' outfit I put in the Goodwill bag, out pops another item I'm not quite sure what to do with. Be it off-season clothing of my own (Mother Nature is reversed in Llama Land) or the kids' bed sheets or my decent-size jewelry box, there seems to be a lot that could go either way. Do I really need my jewelry box? Considering there are about six pairs of earrings and two necklaces in there, I'd say probably not. But then I feel like I'll have to buy a bunch of new everyday items down there if I don't just bring what I already have. As for the bedding, I don't even know if they have the same standard size toddler mattresses in South America. Probably the internets could tell me, but again, one more thing to look up. *pfft*

In other developing news, Nico and Livi are crazy about peanut butter. And straws. And eating my cereal with milk. They eat their own cereal, dry, first thing in the morning. Then once I sit down with my bowl and spoon, they're all over me like baby birds. Peep! peep! cereal! It's a wonder I get to eat at all the way these kids claim all the food for themselves. I might be angry if they weren't so darn cute.